As a teacher one question that you hear often and is the absolute most dreaded question is “Why isn’t my son singing his letters yet? Mary was by this age.” Many parents fall into the trap of raising siblings and comparing their accomplishments and the timeline in which they are achieved. After you get the first child going it can be natural to think that all the children will follow the same learning pathway.

Children can share DNA, home environments, and school environments but we must remember that each child is an individual in their learning style and the time they need to learn. One child might be great at reading and learns letters and sounds quickly while the next might learn them slower and with a different method such as a game of hopscotch instead of using flash cards. When comparing children to each other, we as adults can affect how children feel about themselves and their siblings.

One thing that comparing brothers an sisters to each others can initiate is sibling rivalry. Sometimes a sense of competition between siblings can be healthy. But when a child’s abilities to learn are used to compare them they can develop numerous negative emotions toward their sibling. One child might start feeling superior to the other and begin to be a little pushy in how they relate. The other can develop a sub servant attitude and begin to just follow instead of adding their own ideas to situations. This kind of rivalry can affect the bonds between them and cause a weakened relationship. Its great when siblings can feel supported by each other.

Comparing children can be a huge hit to a child’s self-esteem. They may start to feel inadequate and broken. If they feel that they are unable to meet previous standards they may feel they are not good enough. They may start to give up instead of trying new methods to learn. Children will start to believe that some things are unattainable. Maybe they aren’t good enough to be an astronaut. Just because they learn letters in a different way or in different pace doesn’t mean they can’t be an author one day. Being compared to others might affect how they think others view them. They might feel that aren’t loved the same.

The way to combat such comparisons is to avoid labeling a child. Even a nonchalant statement as “George is the family reader” can affect their siblings especially if the same the child is the one always being praised. Each child needs to be acknowledged as being special. As parents and teachers, we need to find out how each of our children learn. We need to encourage them to try different ways and to learn be actively engaged in exploring different learning methods. Building an environment based on individuality and sibling teamwork will put children in a positive mindset to learn and give them greater opportunities to be successful.

Ms. Dotty
Lead Pre-Kindergarten Teacher
NAEYC Coordinator

Raising a child is a difficult undertaking for any parent, but having a child who exhibits challenging behaviors can be downright exhausting. Whether your child is prone to tantrums, refuses to eat, or has public meltdowns, many parents know how tough it can be when a child acts out. 

A reality that parents face is that all kids can be a handful at one time or another, even in the best of circumstances. So, how do you handle a child who frequently exhibits difficult to manage behaviors? What is the best way to respond when your little one isn’t on his or her best behavior? With the right approach, handling a child with behavioral difficulties is an art you’ll eventually be able to master. Here are some tips you might find useful. 

Understand the root cause of the behavior

Children do not just misbehave because they want to be difficult. Oftentimes they are feeling frustrated, hungry, or overwhelmed, and they do not know how to express their feelings clearly or effectively. Remember that young kids are not innately skilled when it comes to communicating their needs or feelings and more often than not, they use tantrums to gain your attention. Your child might have a need that isn’t being met, and your job is to find out what that need is.  Be sure to assess the situation first before reacting or addressing the misbehavior. 

Establish boundaries 

Setting boundaries is an important way to ensure that children understand how they are expected to behave in certain situations. In order to set these boundaries, it’s also helpful to implement rules and consequences.  Be sure to clearly communicate what is expected of your child so that following your rules becomes manageable and realistic. It’s also important to ensure that your little one clearly understands what will and will not be tolerated. If your child isn’t able to adhere to these guidelines, there should be a corresponding consequence for his or her actions. 

Stay calm

It may be tempting to fall prey to your own emotions in times of stress and have an angry outburst when your child is misbehaving. However, staying calm is key.  Do your best to remain calm so that you can understand and address the situation. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and approach the situation with a calm demeanor. Remember that it is normal for all young kids to go through some difficult phases from time to time. Instead of trying to immediately change your child’s behavior, it is best to focus on your own response first.  It’s natural to feel frustrated, but it’s important that you know how to manage your anger as well. 

Make sure your child feels heard

Letting your child know that you hear his or her concerns or frustration is vital when facing difficult behavior. Your little one’s tantrum is often a cry for help or attention. Therefore, make sure children know that they are being heard any time they express anger, sadness, or frustration. The better you aim to understand their points of view, the easier it becomes to talk to them and resolve the issue at hand. 

Reward good behavior when possible 

Giving a reward to children who behave well can be a useful parenting technique that encourages positive changes in behavior while discouraging negative behaviors from recurring. The reward you choose doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Just think of something your little one will love and enjoy. 

For example, if your child finishes all of their food during dinner without crying or having a tantrum, you may consider letting him or her enjoy an extra scoop of ice cream for dessert or an additional 30 minutes of playtime.  

Take time to explain

It’s also important to remember that young kids don’t have an immediate sense of what types of behavior are acceptable and unacceptable, so this is where your role as a parent comes in.  Take time to explain to your child why certain behaviors are discouraged or won’t be tolerated. Discuss why it’s not ok to snatch a toy away from another child and explain how his or her actions can affect others. The more you explain to your child how others may be impacted by his or her choices, the more your child can develop empathy and discontinue that type of behavior. 

Dealing with difficult behavior from children is no easy feat, but with some time and dedication, and these tips in your arsenal, you can successfully instill discipline and encourage better behavior with your little one. 

For more tips and resources on parenting, please visit Young Scholars Academy.

Almost 10 years ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I had severe symptoms and found an amazing gynecologist who listened to me when I had had enough. I had surgery to diagnose and treat and have had less severe symptoms since. Almost 6 years ago the left side of my face went paralyzed with no warning. It started with a numb lip, like after going to the dentist and slowly spread over the entire side of my face. I couldn’t even blink my left eye. I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy and told everything would go back to normal in a few weeks. It didn’t, but it’s better!
As luck would have it, March is Endometriosis Awareness Month and the first week of March is Facial Paralysis Awareness Week. As important as bringing awareness to these is, I’m going to talk more about mothering through the tough stuff.

I was told my Bell’s Palsy was likely caused by stress going on in my life at the time, and I know my endometriosis flares when I’m super stressed. I had to make myself a priority in order to make it through a normal day, but there two small humans and one large human husband 😉 needing me everyday as well. That saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” has never been more true.

To reduce my stress and get some alone time, I had to set some boundaries. Saying no to doing everything, saying no to the dishes when I really don’t have anything left, saying no to early mornings on the weekends and feeling like I had to be superior and be productive all the time. We all know perfect moms are huge messes underneath just like us, and there’s no medal for getting the dishes done before bed.

I had to have a talk with my husband about how overwhelming things had gotten. I had to learn how to tag him in when I needed to walk away and learn to feel OK when they happened.

I had to learn to make time for myself. I can take a bath while my husband is putting the boys to bed. I started listening to audio books and doing more puzzles. I’m also a huge fan of staying up a little too late to watch my favorite TV shows after the boys are I’m bed.

I had to learn to take better care of myself. As moms we take on dental appointments, doctor’s appointments, extra curriculars, homework, healthy-ish meals for the family, and so much more. I’ve been quite guilty of letting all that slip for myself and made an effort to catch up.

Making it more about yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you a smart, responsible mom. Even without the endometriosis and Bell’s Palsy, being a mom is hard work with long hours and almost no vacation. Make yourself a priority and enlist the help of others to accomplish that. Find your tribe, join support groups, have that talk with your significant other about your needs so you have people in your corner to get through the tough times.

Ms. Amy
Infant Nursery Supervisor
Parent Connection Coordinator

The other day we did a class activity concerning bullying in the classroom. We had a large heart drawn on a piece of paper divided in half. On the top the children wrote kind words we say to each other and on the bottom, we wrote unkind words. Later in circle we crumpled up the bottom half to show how the unkind words hurt people even after you say I’m sorry. Later on, I was thinking about how that applies as a parent talking to their children or as a teacher talking to children. Our days get so busy that we think about the consequences of the conversations we have with children. I think back to when my child was growing up and wonder about the times when he came to me to show me a drawing and I responded by giving it a brief glance, “saying great now put your shoes on so we can go”. We all get busy and there wasn’t anything really wrong with what was said but it was a moment missed. A moment to that could have been affirming to his accomplishment, a bonding moment, and a chance to boost his confidence and sense of self value. As a teacher I have seen parents take their child’s schoolwork and throw it away on their way out the door and feel sad because of all the lost opportunities they missed to talked, encourage, and show that child value in their achievements. Words said and not said will leave an impression on a growing child and it is important that we take a second to think about what impression we want to leave on them.

The first step is that picture. Instead of a brief glance stop for a moment and actually look at it. Look at the colors they used, the control they show with drawing lines, curves, and circles. Ask them a question or two. “What is happening in the picture?” “Why is the dog in the tree?” As you ask the questions watch the child’s face. The difference is remarkable! Their eyes light up, they smile, they start to show excitement about the time you are spending with them about what they drew. Your response means more than you know. Saying the words “I’m proud of you” teaches them that you value their work and accomplishments and that they should value them also. Saying “I believe in you” gives them the courage and the drive to continue trying when something is difficult to learn or accomplish. Saying “you can do it” teaches them that they have support in the things they attempt and are not alone. Using such verbal ques with your child make a huge difference in the way they view themselves. A few seconds look at something they did in school, ask questions about it, and engage in active conversation about it might seem like a little thing. It might take only a minute.

The repercussions will be fantastic!

Ms. Dotty
Lead Pre-Kindergarten Teacher
NAEYC Coordinator

A priority for all parents is setting basic boundaries and instilling obedience in our children. As parents, we expect our kids to follow our expectations and rules without challenging us. In addition to establishing boundaries between parent and child, we also expect children to follow our rules and expectations because we want what’s best for their health, safety, and well-being. When children behave respectfully, this helps them develop other important skills and character traits, in addition to keeping our kids safe. However, raising an obedient child can seem easier said than done. 

Instilling obedience in our kids can be frustrating. It takes a lot of patience, reminding, and practice. Additionally, we want to make sure our kids do not just obey our rules and expectations because they want to avoid punishment, but because they truly understand the benefits of doing so. The good news is instilling good behavior in kids does not have to be complicated. You can follow these practical, simple, and gentle methods to help you lay the foundation for good behavior with your little one. 

Use a few soft-spoken words

Getting your child to follow your expectations and behave respectfully doesn’t need to require using a lot of words on your part, nagging or threatening. You only need to use a few simple and soft-spoken words. If you find yourself yelling at your kids frequently when they misbehave, now is the time to stop. This isn’t the most effective approach when raising an obedient child. 

You can earn respect from your child and instill obedience in them by using soft-spoken and simple words. It will not come easily at first, but you’ll see the benefits as more time goes by. 

Teach them how to obey

Young kids don’t always understand what the word “no” means, and it isn’t enough that we say things like, “No, you can’t pick that up,” or, “No, you can’t touch that.” Teach little ones how to obey by showing them how to obey. 

For instance, if you want children to stop playing with dirt, you need to physically remove their hands from the dirt and then tell them. “No.” If your child is a little older and can understand logic, you can explain why he or she isn’t allowed to do certain actions. 

Do not keep repeating yourself

It’s not effective obedience training when you find yourself constantly repeating your instructions. Remember that “following up” is different from repetition. Once you’ve given your child an instruction and have ensured that he or she is clear about what’s expected, do not keep repeating yourself anymore. If your child becomes accustomed to hearing repetitive instructions, it will only give the impression that it’s okay not to do what you’ve asked after the first time.

Offer alternatives

One of the reasons obedience is instilled in children is to keep them out of danger or trouble. However, this concept may be difficult for young children to comprehend. They don’t always understand why we want them to go to bed at a reasonable hour or why it’s important that they don’t eat sweets before dinner time. 

Instead of focusing on the things that they can’t do, it may be helpful to suggest the things children can do. For example, if your child isn’t allowed to munch on sweets before mealtime, you can suggest a better option. Tell your child that after he or she finishes dinner to your satisfaction, he or she can enjoy a scoop or two of ice cream for dessert afterward. This will help ensure that your child adheres to your rules with fewer complaints or resistance. 

Be consistent

Consistency is key when it comes to effective obedience training. When you establish rules and set expectations in your home, be sure to implement them consistently. Your training will be useless if you say “no” to something, only to change your expectations later.

For example, when you say “no” to having junk food for an afternoon snack, be sure not to give in no matter how much your child may beg. Stick with your rules to help your child understand that you mean them. 

Set an example

The number one place your child will learn anything is from observing your actions. You have the power to instill discipline and good behavior in children by setting an example with your own behavior. Start with yourself., Be mindful of your own words and actions. Be the adult you want your child to be and obedience will follow. 

Raising an obedient child may seem challenging but it doesn’t have to be. Through consistent training and smart strategies, you can build the habit of obedience in your little one. 

Visit Young Scholars Academy for more helpful parenting tips and resources.